As Garrison Keillor is fond of saying: "Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose."

From William J. Thomas, author of the runaway bestseller The Dog Rules Damn Near Everything (Damn Near Everything) , comes the perfect companion: The Cat Rules Everything, Including the Dog (Everything Including the Dog!).

Hysterics and hijinks surround his handsome but devious companion Weggie, a clever little devil whose antics could cause the Pope to curse. The scourge of the screen door and a hockey player to boot, Weggie's story provides a spirited romp through life along the lake.

With essential "rules" for successful human/cat cohabitation, including how to name your pet and rules for rookie owners, The Cat Rules Everything, Including the Dog is a must-have for anyone who loves (and occasionally scorns) their beloved pet.

Order the Cat Rules Now

All materials on this website are copyright William Thomas ©

For example,

THE CAT RULES Everything Including the Dog as they Apply to Play

RULE 1

Fully extended claws and completely bared fangs are signs that playtime is over.

RULE 2

You hiss at me once more and I'll get the water pistol.

RULE 3

Don't you dare spray. It is not the same thing as the water pistol.

RULE 4

More catnip? The neighbours already think we're running a grow-op.

RULE 5

So what if the cat next door has a carpeted play station? If he runs up the telephone pole and onto the power lines, are you going to follow him?

RULE 6

You got yourself up there; you get yourself down. No, the fire department said next time they'd bill us.

RULE 7

Okay, so the ball tied to the doorknob is a stupid game. Let's tie it to the car bumper of that lady who delivers our mail instead.

RULE 8

No, I will not get you another canary. That was cruel.

RULE 9

No sneak attacks. What are you, Javanese?

RULE 10

It's called "fetch." Dogs love this game. Now can I rest for a while? Please?

IN THE BACK of the Book is a CAT DICTIONARY
Samples:
Cataclysm -The violent upheavel felt around the house on the day the cat arrives

Catamite - The explosive power used to throw a hairball halfway across a room

Catbird - An accidental crossbreeding experiment that produced a flying feline that poops only on statues of dogs

Catacomb - The last grooming procedure after the catlick

Cataplexy - The complete bewilderment of a person who cannot understand how he ever wound up with a cat, or what he'll ever do without him